Published by Motivational Steps

Children Coping With the Divorce of Their Parents

In our modern day society divorce is accepted as naturally as living together without being married.

The parents who are contemplating divorce have to take a lot of things into consideration. If there are children of the marriage who are of an age to make decisions for themselves, these children may want to make some choices that their parents might not agree with.

For example children of a certain age are able to decide whom they wish to live with, obviously this also depends on the stability of the parent. Parents who accept their children's decisions and work with them have a far better chance of maintaining a close relationship with their children.

Difficulties arise when children can see their divorced parents are still arguing about certain assets, support payments, etc. Hopefully everyone involved can see that there is no easy way to solve these difficulties, but everyone has the right to deal with this in their own way. These ways may not be the "best" ways but the only way for some people to cope with this situation.

Children can become judgemental and ask why their parents got divorced and were not able to stay together; this is the time when at least one parent has to be as honest as possible and explain their particular reasons for taking the step of divorce. Shutting the teenager out of the loop and not giving them the responsibility of knowing what went wrong, the whys and wherefores can lead to long term problems.

We all learn from experience, children who have open and loving relationships with their parents are more prone to ask questions and even if not completely satisfied with the answers, realise their parents are people too with a life of their own and need to live that life as they so wish.

Divorce is not an easy step to take; everyone feels the stress, pain and loss when a divorce takes place. Moving on and finding solutions to work together, for the sake of everyone is a step to healing some of the pain.

Some children react by rebelling at home and not following rules, they may drop out of school and find friends their parents would prefer them not to associate with. Equally some children blame one parent for the divorce, without knowing the full facts and try to hurt this parent in various ways.

What everyone involved in this kind of situation has to remember is, no one gets married thinking that it will end in divorce. Parents bring their children into this world promising to love them and take care of them to the best of their ability. Unfortunately divorce does happen, it is the responsibility of both parents and their children to work through this with understanding, love and forgiveness. Arguments will happen; harsh words will be spoken, in the heat of the moment when hurt and pain is too much to take. Understanding of why everyone is reacting in this way takes time, maybe even months or years.

Remembering that, even though parents get divorced, they are still the same people who loved you from the time that you were born and will always love you no matter what. You may now have parents who no longer live together, but these parents still deserve the love and respect they had when they were still married. These parents may still be hurting inside, still trying to cope with the divorce themselves. Added to that the pressure of trying to work out how to help their children through this stressful time can be, on occasions, almost impossible.

Support each other; love each other as before and with time move on together. Time heals many things, time will bring many changes, changes are meant to happen, work with your family to promote peace and harmony.


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